Sunday, March 28, 2010

The One Arm Bandit

As I type very slowly with one hand, I desperately miss the use of my left hand. After a week of talking it up and recruiting our pals MALEX (aka Matt and Alex Weaver) to go skating with us along with my sister Carla and her 2 kiddos, Hannah and Ethan, I dominated the rink with some sweet dance/skate moves for about an hour. I was determined to be the aunt who taught my niece and nephew to rock the wheels like I did back in the day at Bud's roller rink (you saline county folks know what I'm talking about). It wasn't until the bounce of overplayed rap music about "ipods stuck on replay" subsided into 80's power ballads that, thanks to my sister, I know all of the words to and hold so much appreciation for that I just had to serenade her with Journey's moving track "Faithfully." Little did I know, but I would sadly be associating Steve Perry's angelic voice with sheer pain and agony for the rest of my life. As a stepped backwards off the platform of carpet onto the slippery hardwoods at Starlight Skatium my sweet action speedskates failed me and slipped right out from under me. As I looked my niece Hannah in the eyes, I fell to the ground looking like a baby giraffe walking for the first time (kinda like Ryan Mallet attempting to run up the field when he can't find an open receiver, just sad) and busted my tail on the hard floor. All of my body except for one important part made it to the floor. My wrist, having a mind of it's own, decided to abandon the rest of me and stop on the elevated carpet platform. At that very moment my husband skated right by looking at me in sheer terror, knowing that when I fall I tend to make an art form of it, and before even looking at my left hand I simply yelled at him "I just broke my arm." He didn't looked that convinced until we both looked down and saw this twisted, dinted, mangled excuse of a human's wrist with a motionless hand just dangling from it like a lifeless appendage (gross I know). My sister said it looked more like a pair of pantyhose with a ball inside of it just dangling back and forth in the wind. It was then that I started seeing stars like a character on the Looney Toons and Matt Weaver caught me just before I hit the floor again, except this time with my eyes rolling in the back of my head. All I could hear were people arguing over whether or not I should lay down or sit up. After losing a few non-precious moments of my life and finding Alex Weaver's lap to be more like a sealy posturepedic , I awoke to Matt Weaver slapping my face, something I know he has always wanted to do (still unknown is why Weaver is walking with a limp after these events). Without control, I tossed my Jose's from about two hours before, splashing some on Malex, my bad. It was then that my knight in shining armor showed up at the back door with the carriage awaiting to take me to the ER. It was at the ER that I endured grueling x-rays and wonderful conscious sedation while my bones were popped back into place. I found out that my roller skating escapades may lead to surgery and definately to a poolside vacay with a nice little cast. That's what happens when you rotate a bone 60 degrees out of place...

won't let it stop me from a shopping day with the girls, percocet in hand!
me, bogging now...

7 comments:

  1. i meant blogging, typing with one hand ya know!

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  2. You. Are. A. Rockstar! This is one of the funniest blogs I've ever read! I was uncontrollably laughing out loud. I also read it out loud to Wes who then replied with, "THAT is why I will never go skating!!"

    Hope you feel better soon and thanks for sharing your story!

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  3. Oh my goodness I just about passed out reading this.. HAHAHA!! Hope you feel better soon!! I think you should sooo rock a pink cast!!

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  4. BLESS YOUR HEART!!! Well, this is one of the funniest blogs I've ever read too!!!!!!!
    What a way with words : ) gosh, I need to do some cookin for ya girlie!!!!

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  5. What you have lacked in coordination, you sure have covered with extraordinary literary skill....or is this still percocet?

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  6. Honey, I am so sorry but you have made a terrible experience on of the funniest short stories I have ever read. I am happy to know what Malex is now that I have looked it up to see what drug it was! I love you and keep taking the drugs, you may have a writing future ahead of you. Love Mom

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  7. ok this is a GREAT story. i bet even better now that you're outta that cast:-)

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About Me

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I love Jesus and going to church at Keypoint Church. I love my family, here and in Little Rock. I love being the baby of the family (most of the time). I am lucky enough to snag a hubby who is way hotter than me, yet adores me. =)